Grub up!

As any resident of our little North Eastern Paradise will be aware – Hartlepool is lousy with restaurants… Hang on a minute let’s clarify this a bit… that doesn’t mean that it’s lousy for restaurants or that it’s a lousy town with restaurants, it simply means that it’s a town with a lot of restaurants. Phew - Cleared that one up I hope!

 

It’s a fact - Hartlepool has lots of restaurants – some good, some great and some food poisoningly bad (well… one in particular that did for me earlier in the year but I can’t prove anything). Generally though the food quality is pretty good whatever type of food you like to eat – and unless you like something really way out like pit viper in puffin sauce, leg of hamster served alongside a comfit of crushed glass or neck of long pig then your requirement will surely be satisfied somewhere in the town (and some of these way out dishes are probably available too from the late night takeaways along with various household pets).

 

She who must be endured and I eat out whenever we can afford it as we’re both too lazy to cook so tomorrow evening we’re off again for yet another belly busting repast. Obviously I can’t tell you which restaurant we’ve selected just in case you decide to turn up and ask me for my autograph but it may be at the Marina and just might begin with a K (hope I haven’t said too much!).

 

Inevitably I’ll be having a prawn cocktail followed by some form of steak with a randomly picked sauce. This, so it turns out, is the most popular dish ordered in the UK by men (the most popular sweet dish to go with it is black forest gateau… yum yum – two portions please Mr Waiter and she’ll have the same). Steak is so popular amongst British men that even some Indian, Italian and Chinese restaurants (but not Hindu of course as it’s a sacred animal) provide it – not in their own individual way or with a ‘fusion twist’ (got the lingo me y’know... I’ve been watching Huge Furry-Whippingstool on the telly again from Botulism Cottage) but cooked as us Brits like it… medium rare in a peppercorn sauce.

 

So why then do we love steak so much? Other meats are good but a steak really is the best for a lot of men. The most popular thing for women to order is chicken but why do men in particular go for a steak? Does the act of eating beef make us blokes feel manlier? Do we start behaving like cavemen and dragging the women home by the hair? I think not – I only do that after 4 cans of Red Bull. There’s only one answer… cause it’s bloody marvellous!... oh… and we all know that being vegetarian seems just a bit gay or totalitarian (Hitler was a veggie… say no more!).

 

Though steak is the most popular dish for men in the UK us Hartlepudlians know for sure that there’s only one dish that satisfies our culinary needs… The Parmo! (The heathen uneducated or Southerners can look on Wikipedia if you really don’t know). Where’s the Parmo (Yes it’s sooo good it deserves the capital letter) restaurant in Hartlepool for heaven’s sake? Other towns have restaurants where you can get one but we could have the first sit-in posh eatery dedicated to the deliciously cheesy feast. Somebody open one quick at the Marina… it’ll be a hit for sure!

 

Next week myself and Mrs Headlander are away having a well earned, pre-Eurovision (yes it’s here again folks!) break out of town so the landlord of the Pint and Fight – the man who chose the not so hilarious (except to him of course) pseudonym “Hugh Janus” is being let free with the blog. May the Lord have mercy on your souls. See you all for a Eurovision special in a couple of weeks!

 

Cheers!

 

Headlander

 

ps. – Or it might begin with an F…