Quaking in my Boots

Home > > Quaking in my Boots

Tweet

Anyone up for a nice chat and (probably) a free cup of tea? Well, being the centre of world events that it is, Hartlepool is hosting a half day seminar next Tuesday to help local firms and other organisations plan in the event of a terrorist attack – and it’s FREE! If you’ve nothing better to do you then you just might want to get yourself along and ask what your hair salon can do to prepare for a terrorist outrage.

 

You could get some tips on how “Curl up and Dye” can prevent, deal with and recover from a terrorist attack. After all… we need your hairdressing business up and running as soon as possible after a dirty bomb attack on our beloved town – you could style our hair as it falls out!

 

If you want to read more about this time wasting, money wasting spectacular then details of the seminar are available at:

 

http://www.hartlepool.gov.uk/site/scripts/news_article.php?newsID=735

 

It must be worth signing up for as it’s supported by the Middleton Grange Shopping Centre - what more of a testimonial do you need! I know that this has been discussed in the forum in the past, but it could be time for a quick revisit here: - Is Hartlepool at risk of a terrorist attack? Well… yes! Of course it is! Hold on… hold on… before you all start buying sandbags and gas masks and digging shelters in the back garden remember that we’re only at risk because everywhere else in the country is as well. By the same amount.

 

You can’t really protect against these events... all that anyone can do is be vigilant. Remember… keep a close watch on those around you and immediately report any political policies that are designed to make you paranoid and allow a government to increase their levels of control and decrease your civil liberties to the authorities. (Hmmm… I’m sure there must be a paradoxical problem with this but I can’t see what it is)!

 

Talking of terrorist atrocities…I’m off to Sunderland today as She Who Must Be Worshipped (she’s upgraded herself from She Who Must Be Obeyed) wants to “have a nice day out”… so she’s picked Sunderland. I suggested a nice day out would be an afternoon in the Pint and Fight but no… it looks like my nice day out will involve shopping, more shopping and hour long bus journeys with nary a pint in sight. Oh, and did I mention shopping?

 

She has promised me that it won’t be all shopping… if I’m a good boy then she’ll take me to visit the museum… and the winter gardens. Cor. I can’t wait. I’m so excited by the thought of this up and coming school trip that I’ve wet myself. No, Really I have… In the wind out there today it may be the only way of keeping warm.

 

If you’re in Sunderland today and you spot a fast moving woman who is clearly in the throes of a shopping frenzy towing a whinging old fat bloke who smells faintly of wee then come over and say hello – and rescue me and take me to a pub!

 

I have pointed out to the current Mrs Headlander that I am reluctant to leave Hartlepool for the day as, in these dangerous times, it might not be here when I get back but she has warned me that if I don’t go to Sunderland with her then I won’t be staying here when she gets back.

 

Oh well, here we go then… put on coat, fix grin into a rictus, practice best “yes dear” and “no, your bum doesn’t look big in that” statements and off we go to the bus stop.

 

 

Cheers!

 

Headlander