Thursday , October 18 2018
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Blank Holiday Monday

Well… how was it for you then? The last Bank Holiday until Christmas (Sorry to use the C word before December) has passed us by – and as a bonus the summer weather finally arrived. If you�re lucky enough to have a job what did you decide to do with the extra day off?


I think that when you’re given a day off you need to use it to relax and have some fun – it’s not for tiling, grouting, painting, washing or hoovering � well that’s what I told the current Mrs Headlander when she left for work at half past eight on Monday morning. She shrugged her shoulders and harrumphed (a noise even more difficult to spell than it is to make) that she didn’t care what I did as long as I had her dinner ready when she came home at six.


Well that was OK by me! She walked out the door and straightaway it was on with the chef’s apron and a curry was duly created in 20 minutes, pots filled up with salted water and placed on the stove ready for cooking the rice, the table laid and the napkins folded. The day was now all mine to enjoy until six o clock! But what to do? Should I stay in and catch up on the newspaper crosswords that I never had time to do during the week? Should I visit Boss Hogg and Camella for a game of cards (nope� did that yesterday) or should I go and see The Outlaws (Mrs H�s mum and dad) and cadge a spot of lunch?


I eventually decided on none of these. After a quiet Saturday and Sunday I was suffering from a bit of cabin fever and so decided that I needed to be in the open air for a while. I strapped on the old walking boots and took the bus to the quaint old seaside hamlet of Seaton Carew. After spending a short while admiring the lovely views of ‘Mordor’ where it appeared by all the smoke and flame shooting skywards that Sauron was busy making some new rings of power, I started walking the three miles or so along the promenade to the Marina (If you haven’t done this walk it’s really nice – give it a go).


So, by twelve noon I was just crossing the inner lock gate at Navigation Point and strolling past the terrorists (sorry, I mean tourists � I always get those two mixed up!) throwing money in the monkey�s bowl for the druggies to steal. The whole area was absolutely packed – every car parking space was taken and vehicles were touring round the car parks on the hunt for a space like sharks circling their prey. The serious walking was over for the day so I stopped off for a quick pint (of diet cola) and a Fatso’s cheese salad roll – lovely! I sent a text to Mrs H to see how she was enjoying her Bank Holiday at work so far but got no reply – now there was a surprise!


Four and a half hours of freedom left� something else was required to keep me occupied. At this point the Pint and Fight started calling me… with its alluring promise of beer and gossip but like the good and faithful husband I am I remembered Mrs H’s words and her firm instruction about getting her tea at six o clock and so I resisted. Instead I walked around the corner and wandered into a couple of the shops by the Jackson�s Wharf. These were full of people, who by the look of them were doing this just so that they would have something to do. After another moment of weakness standing at the bus stop I once again beat down my urges to go to the P & F for a skinful and experienced the gripping excitement of a bus ride home – followed by a couple of hours kip on the sofa and then waking up, having a bath and undertaking the final cooking of dinner starting at half past five.


Six o’clock arrived and as usual the door opened and my little nest of vipers breezed in… Well when I say breezed I should say flowed… she muttered something incoherent and wandered off to the loo. A few minutes later she was sat down at the table and I served us both with a lovely chicken bhuna with rice, naan breads and poppadoms.


You guessed it� She was absolutely, mind bogglingly drunk� As it was such a lovely day outside she had decided to leave work at lunchtime and had been in the Pint and Fight ever since! When I asked her why she didn’t let me know that she was there (and of course awaiting my presence) she replied that:


1) Why spoil a good day?

2) She thought I’d turn up there anyway – it’s what I normally do on a day off.

3) She wouldn’t get any tea if I was in there!


Lovely isn’t it eh? What a reward for being a good boy� Next time I get a Bank Holiday to myself we�re having a takeaway and I�m going to get bladdered!







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