As any resident of our little North Eastern Paradise will be aware Hartlepool is lousy with restaurants Hang on a minute lets clarify this a bit that doesnt mean that its lousy for restaurants or that its a lousy town with restaurants, it simply means that its a town with a lot of restaurants. Phew – Cleared that one up I hope!
Its a fact – Hartlepool has lots of restaurants some good, some great and some food poisoningly bad (well one in particular that did for me earlier in the year but I cant prove anything). Generally though the food quality is pretty good whatever type of food you like to eat and unless you like something really way out like pit viper in puffin sauce, leg of hamster served alongside a comfit of crushed glass or neck of long pig then your requirement will surely be satisfied somewhere in the town (and some of these way out dishes are probably available too from the late night takeaways along with various household pets).
She who must be endured and I eat out whenever we can afford it as were both too lazy to cook so tomorrow evening were off again for yet another belly busting repast. Obviously I cant tell you which restaurant weve selected just in case you decide to turn up and ask me for my autograph but it may be at the Marina and just might begin with a K (hope I havent said too much!).
Inevitably Ill be having a prawn cocktail followed by some form of steak with a randomly picked sauce. This, so it turns out, is the most popular dish ordered in the UK by men (the most popular sweet dish to go with it is black forest gateau yum yum two portions please Mr Waiter and shell have the same). Steak is so popular amongst British men that even some Indian, Italian and Chinese restaurants (but not Hindu of course as its a sacred animal) provide it not in their own individual way or with a fusion twist (got the lingo me yknow… Ive been watching Huge Furry-Whippingstool on the telly again from Botulism Cottage) but cooked as us Brits like it medium rare in a peppercorn sauce.
So why then do we love steak so much Other meats are good but a steak really is the best for a lot of men. The most popular thing for women to order is chicken but why do men in particular go for a steak Does the act of eating beef make us blokes feel manlier Do we start behaving like cavemen and dragging the women home by the hair I think not I only do that after 4 cans of Red Bull. Theres only one answer cause its bloody marvellous!… oh and we all know that being vegetarian seems just a bit gay or totalitarian (Hitler was a veggie say no more!).
Though steak is the most popular dish for men in the UK us Hartlepudlians know for sure that theres only one dish that satisfies our culinary needs The Parmo! (The heathen uneducated or Southerners can look on Wikipedia if you really dont know). Wheres the Parmo (Yes its sooo good it deserves the capital letter) restaurant in Hartlepool for heavens sake Other towns have restaurants where you can get one but we could have the first sit-in posh eatery dedicated to the deliciously cheesy feast. Somebody open one quick at the Marina itll be a hit for sure!
Next week myself and Mrs Headlander are away having a well earned, pre-Eurovision (yes its here again folks!) break out of town so the landlord of the Pint and Fight the man who chose the not so hilarious (except to him of course) pseudonym Hugh Janus is being let free with the blog. May the Lord have mercy on your souls. See you all for a Eurovision special in a couple of weeks!
ps. Or it might begin with an F