The Pint and Fight lived up to its name this week… we had a real fight break out in the bar on Tuesday night. Not a little scuffle between 2 guys who are full of words and insults and are being held back by their mates whilst struggling not quite hard enough to break free – but a real blood-and-snot-flying punching match between 2 lads.
The good thing was that neither of the protagonists were locals… and the CCTV that Landlord Hugh has installed has picked them out beautifully so that we can watch it again and again for fun when the winter nights draw in. No one else got hurt or even mildly inconvenienced and we all had some free entertainment to boot.
When they came in, the two guys in question, whom I shall call Gingerboy and Badshirt, appeared sober and were well behaved. They ordered lagers and went off to the fruit machine to waste their dosh. 2 drinks later they went from happy chappies to madmen when Badshirt hit Gingerboy completely out of the blue with a right hook of epic proportions… knocking him to the floor. Gingerboy sprang back up shouting and what followed can only be described as all out war… as they punched and kicked each other round the pub. It was better than the American wrestling I can tell you!
After much shouting of ‘Hoy!’ ‘Get out!’ ‘Watch me pint!’ and the like from us locals we retreated to the corners and watched them slug it out. From the shouting and oaths uttered by them both it appeared that the argument was caused by the usual thing… a woman of course. It seemed (from what we could gather from the shouting) that she was sleeping with both of them! Within a minute or so Gingerboy was flat out again whilst Badshirt was kicking him in the ribs… until Landlord Hugh waded in and, twisting his ear violently, ejected him. He immediately took flight and ran off at top speed.
Pub Drunk gingerly approached the recumbent Gingerboy, who at this point was lying there on the bar floor with some potentially broken ribs, to see if he was alright – but at Pub Drunk’s approach, Gingerboy shot upright, shouted ‘Oh S—!’, bolted for the door and was gone into the night! No one in the pub had seen either of them before and no one has seen them in the few days since the fight.
The cost of the fight for the pub was a broken glass and a bloodstain on the carpet – otherwise everything is fine. I really do wonder what Gingerboy said to Badshirt to get such a good hammering… although Badshirt took some heavy punishment in return it must be said.
So lets go over to our boxing MC, Mr Ivor Blackeye, for the Final scorecard for the bout:
“Ladeees and gentlemen… there is a split decision…
“Judge Hugh Jaynus scores the fight 102 – 95 for… Badshirt Judge Barmaid Helen scores the fight 100 – 98 for… Gingerboy (she likes ginger men) Judge Headlander scores the fight 103 – 98 for… Badshirt
“So the winner of the contest and the champion of the inaugural Pint and Fight ighting over a woman in public world championship is… Badshirt!”
Let’s hope these two idiots fall out with each other over another woman again soon as we’re all looking forward to the rematch… or even better lets have two women falling out over a man…
We’ll happily turn the bar into a mud-wrestling arena for the night especially if theyre clad only in bikinis!