Thursday , April 19 2018
Home / Tag Archives: Headlander Blog

Tag Archives: Headlander Blog

Don’t Look Now!

I was just standing at the sink doing the washing up (the current Mrs Headlander won’t invest in a dishwasher as long as she’s married to me) and listening to good old, dependable Radio 2 the other day when a song came spluttering out of the old bakelite tranny that …

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Zen and the Art of Christmas Shopping

“Herro and ahhh so” from me, The Dalai Headlander, as I hope to guide you through the stresses and strains of the annual consumerfest argy bargy of pre-Christmas scrummaging… i.e. gift shopping. Whilst the current Mrs Headlander is whipping herself into the usual retail frenzy I am adopting a much …

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Virgin on the Ridiculous

Well, dear reader, I missed an article last week due to having to take a trip to Southampton. I was due back on Thursday night and so should’ve had plenty of time to regale you with my adventures but due to circumstances beyond my control I had to postpone my return …

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In the Ghetto… Sorry I meant Netto

Last weekend the current Mrs Headlander and myself took a quick trip to the beautiful environs of West View to visit Mrs H’s sister, Camella, as we were invited over to watch the rugby World Cup Final. As we were confident that England were going to easily win the game …

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Nigella Bytes

On a quiet night like tonight I like nothing more than running my fingers lightly over the front of Nigella… now before you all start wondering if I’m one lucky Headlander who is having an affair with TV’s Domestic Goddess I need to tell you that Nigella is actually what …

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Who wants to live in Darlington?

I need some help to find the answers to a serious issue that has been gnawing away at my insides. To whit: Why Darlo? By that I mean who wants to live in Darlington when you�’e got the thriving seaside community of Hartlepool down the road with its thriving Marina, lovely coal encrusted beaches and …

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Big Girls You Are Beautiful

Well, as you may have heard, his nibs is away off on his travels again; so I’m getting some peace and quiet for one whole week instead of getting woken up every morning by ‘Shrek’ or ‘guffy’ as I call him, moaning about the weather and life in general. Just …

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Proud to be a Poolie

This week a new local award scheme has been announced the Pride in Hartlepool awards, which are being run by our local council. The scheme is designed ”to ensure that individuals have a chance to earn some deserved recognition for their efforts to make the town a better place”. Well …

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Between a Northern Rock and a Hard Place

Hands up those of you who have accounts at the Northern Rock then? What? None of you? Well I dont blame you either… OK then hands up all those who used to have accounts at the Northern Rock Ah thats better I can see plenty of hands now. If you …

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Know Wot I Mean ‘arry?

The Pint and Fight lived up to its name this week… we had a real fight break out in the bar on Tuesday night. Not a little scuffle between 2 guys who are full of words and insults and are being held back by their mates whilst struggling not quite …

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Seeing Stars

This week I humbly offer you an advanced astrological service. Cosmic vibrations have entered my being and I, Mystic Headlander, am going to commune with the universe to channel details of all the latest heavenly happenings letting you know how they will affect your lives. Just wait as I slip …

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Blank Holiday Monday

Well… how was it for you then? The last Bank Holiday until Christmas (Sorry to use the C word before December) has passed us by – and as a bonus the summer weather finally arrived. If you�re lucky enough to have a job what did you decide to do with …

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In The Henhouse Again

Mrs Headlander has left me… It’s official! She’s packed a bag and has scarpered off to another country to ‘have a good time’ she says. Normally I’d be pretty devastated but I’m coping quite well… particularly as I know that she’ll be back on Monday as she’s only run away …

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Making Plans for (Big) Nigel

This week I’ve been out for a drink with an old mate of mine… the legend that is Big Nige. He’s been in the area visiting some friends who reside in that lovely theme park to the North of us (I think it’s called Geordieland) so I had to pop …

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All Change Please

Walking across the big road junction of Gateway Bridge and Church Street earlier in the week I was gratified to see that a large hoarding has finally appeared telling us Hartlepudlians that our new transport interchange is to be constructed soon, joining together bus, coach, rail and taxi services all in one place. Hooray… I …

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Animal Knack’ers

Well here’s some shocking news for us all to think about: I’ve just read an article that says that Hartlepool and East Durham are “two of the worst areas for animal cruelty”. I assume this means in the country, although the article is not specific on that point (I’ve tried to …

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The Not So Beautiful Game

Over many beers in our local hostelry of choice, The Pint and Fight, us locals all like to sit (or stand) around the bar chewing the fat and mulling over the events of the week. As usual for a basic boozer the discussions can be pretty varied and interesting… …Well, …

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A Waste of a Cycle

Soon, so I am told, I will only be getting my household rubbish collected every 2 weeks. Well whoop de doo. Instead of my weekly trip out with my green bin I’m going to be forced to recycle. This means that I will then have a lovely selection of receptacles …

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Like a Bat out of Brus

First of all let me state one thing I am a professional pedestrian and always have been. Ive never learnt to drive; living around here theres really no need to. Walking is healthy and fun the only time I ever wished that I owned a car is when leaving Asda …

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Here Comes the Sun

What beautiful weather weve been having this week. I would like to suggest that all this rain has been good for the garden but unless you own a rice paddy then thats probably not true. Some areas of the country have been really badly hit but I suppose weve been fairly …

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Smoke Signals

In a few days time the no smoking ban will finally be introduced to workplaces and enclosed public areas in England. As usual with anything contentious, the government have tested out the policy in other countries in the British Isles first… and SHOCK! HORROR! It worked!   I am not …

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Hi Jean! How are Ya?

After suffering a very bad attack of food poisoning earlier in the year (which was, I’m afraid, attributed to a local restaurant) I am heartened to see that a new scheme has been setup to rate the hygiene in all food premises in our area. The Tees Valley Food Hygiene …

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At Odds with Society

Sometimes Hartlepool really delights me with how good it can be to live here – We’ve got lots of green spaces, a fairly efficient council, a good standard of social housing, a brewery, some good museums and heritage sites and if you look hard enough then you can find just …

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Lights! Camera! Inaction!

Having a bit of free time (and a hangover from a session at the Pint and Fight on Sunday night) I needed a quiet diversion to while away the daylight hours on Monday. Darkness was the thing needed to help with the head, so after consulting the current Mrs Headlander …

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We Don’t Need No Educayshun

There’s no avoiding it any longer… we have a problem here in Hartlepool that just isn’t being addressed properly. Adult education. I keep running into the thick and ignorant on my daily ramblings round the town. Perhaps Im just unlucky. I have a gut feeling that a significant proportion of …

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Bleating about Eating

Anyone who reads this twaddle regularly will know that my great passion is food and beer… No wait a minute… my TWO great passions are food, beer and moaning… hang on now – my THREE great passions are food, beer, moaning and old Monty Python sketches. Well anyway being a …

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Fading Fashions

What is this latest fashion craze that is sweeping the country (well.. Hartlepool anyway)! Young and middle aged women have decided that the ?in thingis to go out wearing an item of pregnancy clothing? the Pinafore dress!   Is this really the latest fashion or are a large proportion of …

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We Are Not a Loon

Well Im back from my break in Scotland and Ive been catching up on the news courtesy of our reliable organ of truth the Hartlepool Mail. In amongst the usual stories of convictions for shoplifting and continuing football success (well done Pools by the way!) was a brilliant one about …

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A Public Nuisance

As he said last week, Mr Headlander and his long suffering spouse are having a break out of town this week. Theyve gone for a drinking week up in Scotland and theyve asked me to stand in for them. No problem here Ive got lots and lots to sound off …

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Grub up!

As any resident of our little North Eastern Paradise will be aware Hartlepool is lousy with restaurants Hang on a minute lets clarify this a bit that doesnt mean that its lousy for restaurants or that its a lousy town with restaurants, it simply means that its a town with …

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Park and Ride

Ding ding fares please – Two to the local park please Mr Conductor. What Three farthings each Thats a bit steep isnt it Once upon a time Granddad & Grandmama Headlander may have travelled this way to the park for their Saturday constitutional. But, with a few exceptions not anymore! …

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Paraskavidekatriaphobia

If youre reading this soon after publication, welcome to Friday 13th. One comes around every few months and its the day where superstitious plonkers everywhere delight in telling us sensible folks that we all have to be very careful or a great misfortune will befall us. We all secretly know …

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BONG – Here is the News

Good evening and here is the Ten o Clock news, read by Moira Stewart Today a hard working, long serving female news reader was fired from the BBC for allegedly being too old and ugly to face the TV cameras anymore. Moira Stewart, 55, from London, was said to be …

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Spanking the Monkey

Crime has struck in our beloved town again! A drug addict has stolen the charity money which passers by throw into the bowl thats held by the brass monkey mounted by the inner lock gates at the Marina. Fortunately the powers that be have seen fit to jail the nasty …

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Diary of a Madman

Brriiinnnggg!!! At 6:30 am on Tuesday morning the alarm clock rang in my ears and I arose and readied myself for the exciting day that lay ahead of me. An important day this and one that had me excited with expectation all week I was off on a quick errand …

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Quaking in my Boots

Anyone up for a nice chat and (probably) a free cup of tea Well, being the centre of world events that it is, Hartlepool is hosting a half day seminar next Tuesday to help local firms and other organisations plan in the event of a terrorist attack and its FREE! …

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Gerrem Orf!

How happy am I this week Answer: VERY! Loads of awful programmes featuring premium rate phone lines have been withdrawn. Unfortunately it seems that this is only on a temporary basis. ITV have suspended their god awful late night interactive quiz channel and all their other programs containing premium rate …

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Service with a Sneer

What has happened to politeness in this lovely little town of ours? In fact Ill extend that whats happened to it everywhere in England? Whilst the average man or woman in the street is usually friendly, nice and helpful with a quick smile and ready wit, in some cases it …

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Infamy, Infamy, They’ve all got in Infamy!

Myself, Mrs Headlander, her sister Camella and brother in law Boss Hogg were sat around having a quiet drink last night watching the footy on the telly Newcastle were playing a Belgian side called The Zulus or something similar – when I threw out the old challenge Can anyone think …

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The Valentine’s Day Massacre

Bloody Valentines Day indeed! Over the past few weeks, the Mem-Sahib drilled into my little grey cells that she was buying me a puppy for Valentines Day. Whats more it would be a Spaniel as she knows that I adore them I get all gooey and start going aaahhh a …

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Astride the Rock Of Justice

You know I really do like living in Hartlepool. I may moan about it a lot but compared to a lot of places it really is pretty good. Of course it has its problems, the main one being a high unemployment rate, but when you compare the headlines from the …

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In Sickness and in More Sickness

You may have noticed, dearest reader, that there was no blog entry last week. This was because Ive been very ill with food poisoning from which Im still recovering. Heres what happened: Two weeks ago, before my last uploaded blog entry, myself and Mrs H went for a lunchtime meal …

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Take the Doorstep Challenge

Here at Chez Headlander weve been troubled by a plague of doorstep salespeople this week (well 3 anyway). In my experience it seems that anyone who knocks on your door unannounced and who isnt a friend or a neighbour only ever wants one of two things your money or your …

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A Jobseeker

An old friend of mine, who isnt originally from Hartlepool but lives in the town, has been hunting locally for a job now for a year with no real success. Hes got loads of experience of IT, management, warehousing, all aspects of office work, is computer literate, qualified to A …

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Happy New PS2

First of all, a happy new year to everyone out there in cyberspace. I hope it was both as good and as raucous as mine was. Things have been pretty busy between the two festivals As I mentioned last week, between Christmas and New Year comes Mrs Hs birthday so …

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Twas the night after Christmas

Well the Christmas season continues apace and Im having a pretty good one so far. Its been very relaxing and despite the phenomenal cost of everything Ive really enjoyed it. Just to prove that Im not a total curmudgeon I even wore a paper hat, pulled a cracker and blew …

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We Three Kings of Hartlepool are

Well merrily ding dong, come all ye faithful and jingle me bells; Christmas is once more hurtling towards us like a police car towards Church Street on a Friday night I write this pre-festive missive sitting here in the front room of my house which has been bedecked and festooned …

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Live on the Cleveland Riviera

Ive been suffering from a creeping malaise for the last couple of weeks a real lack of energy and no drive the old get up and go has got up and went. Ive just been a lethargic old curmudgeon (even worse than I usually am according to the current Mrs …

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Fat Old Wine Drinker Me

Home winemaking can be a lot of fun, at least thats what I thought 8 months ago when I started. Me and Mrs H. along with her sister Camella (cause when she yawns she sounds like a camel) decided that the cost of our drinking was spiralling out of control, …

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Mrs Headlander Speaks At Last

Well hello at last! Mrs Headlander here My miserable old other half is away this week visiting some friends in the horrible hinterlands of the South of England but hes left his laptop behind so Im standing in for him. First of all, let me tell you something about myself: …

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