The XXX Factor

I was treated to ten whole minutes of the X Factor on my telly this week and it made me so angry I just had to write this polemic. Ill try and cheer up a bit next week!

Pornography is defined as: The depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction. Reality TV delves into these depths constantly. I hope that the sensible and intelligent among us understand that the X factor, as an example, is not actually about finding a new star or giving some poor unfortunate a break or even about lining the pockets of Cowell/Walsh/Osborne but is about getting a quick intense emotional reaction from us watching the extreme reactions of the people who win/lose, and making money for the station its cheap TV which is paid for by our telephone votes.

If we all stop voting then reality TV will quickly go away and we can get some quality television back! These shows are truly disgusting and weve gradually become willing voyeurs of the twisted pornography that they portray.

I am honestly appalled by these excuses for prime-time entertainment. Shots of people being put in pressure situations and then getting torn to shreds until they break down is not my idea of entertainment. If its yours… look carefully inside yourself.

Theres something about Maria was as bad as all the others. On top of the pornography element, SINCE WHEN have auditions for a role been prime-time viewing Auditions are things that happen before people get a part and a show is made. My advice to Lord Lloyd Webber was to fire them all and get Catherine Zeta-Jones to do the part and save me from ever seeing such tosh on my television ever again.

This awful genre is harming all those who watch it we are getting de-sensitised to peoples feelings and start enjoying their discomfiture as we watch just listen to some people talk in the street about some of the shows theyve been watching or (a more extreme example is) the latest mobile phone video of a car accident theyve seen and how great it was. They dont care anymore and enjoy laughing at people on reality shows who have had their (admittedly very unrealistic) dreams shattered by judges who confuse feedback and sympathy with insult and cruel abuse.

The argument that such programs are only entertainment does not wash. How can it make sense to produce this rot when its harming our already damaged attention spans, sense of society and respect for one another Neither does the argument If you dont want to see it then dont watch it hold any sway. Be assured I dont watch it and have no intention of ever doing so but I see and hear the attitudes that reality TV contributes to in the street everyday.

I also include soaps in the Reality TV genre they have exactly the same premise people in high pressure situations getting driven to despair whilst we slaveringly watch. Many quality dramas are aired each week and go largely unwatched – but the nation still has a fascination with what happens to characters in The Street or The Square. I cant for the life of me understand this and whenever I learn (usually via someone in a pub telling me) that character x has died in Eastenders my reaction is usually Hooray! Another one gone! Whens the earthquake coming

None of these programs improve my life in any way and I dont learn anything from them. They are neither clever nor funny (for instance in X Factor you are laughing AT the people being auditioned theyre not purposely trying to make you laugh as a comedian would) so why watch it This is also the issue with Ricky Gervais style of comedy – comedies of embarrassment that make you cringe instead of laugh.

Most people seem to be afraid to turn off the TV when there is nothing to watch. For instance, does the following (or something like it) happen in your house…

Him (whilst flicking through the digibox) Theres nothing on again this evening

Her Nope nothing (looks at TV listings magazine) not till eleven oclock anyway

He selects a channel (usually ITV or BBC1) and they continue to watch something that they didnt want to see in the first place!

If this is what happens regularly in your household then beware your attention span may already be damaged. If theres nothing on, try switching the TV off and once its off, do something else. If you cant think of anything to do or find yourself staring at the switched off TV then you are in trouble throw the telly into a skip and see a psychologist!

If youre short of a suggestion for something to do when the tellys rubbish then here are few ideas:

Get the Scrabble board/other board games out

Play chess/draughts

Read a book or a magazine

Listen to the radio

Play a CD (and LISTEN to it!)

Play a game of cards/dominoes

Teach yourself to play an instrument

Go out to the pictures

Talk to your partner (or yourself if you live alone!)

Take the dog for an extra walk

Do a crossword/sudoku puzzle

Make mad passionate love

Learn a language

Work on a jigsaw

Drink yourself into oblivion

Surf the Internet

Write a patronising column for a local website!

Cheers!

Headlander

p.s Another of Landlord Hughs jokes to be going on with

Q: How do you stop Simon Cowell from Drowning

A: Take your foot off of his head!